
This is Lily Merriweather Dickens, my pride and joy. I love her above all others. She is, indeed, the only woman who shares my bed.
Lily, despite being named after a beautiful flower, is actually quite a bitch. She kind of always has been. She hates every other cat I have. HATES. She has and will beat another cat up for most any reason. I've seen her attack cats for: looking at her, walking by her, sniffing her, making any kind of racket while she is sleeping, cleaning themselves in the living room, and having a hairball.
It's those last two that may be the most surprising, but I assure you it's true. Other cats are not allowed to clean themselves in the living room. Don't ask me why. It's Lily logic. She has run across a room to beat the hell out of one of them for merely licking his paws after a satisfying meal.
And what about a cat having a hairball? Yes, she has attacked for that reason as well. I guess she just didn't like the noise of them coughing it up. Hey, I don't pretend to understand it. Again, it's Lily-logic.
Despite this, and all her other cruel and unusual traits, she is my #1 favorite and I love her so much. Her and I get along like peas and carrots. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I write her songs, I sing her lullabyes, I protect and defend her and, generally, am just completely retarded over her. I treat her better than most people treat their wives!
So this one is for you, sweet sweet Lily. I love you!!